All shopping cart software sucks
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| In the second X-Files movie, Mulder and Scully will search for decent shopping cart software. Really. |
I’ve been working on the latest project for my online empire. In fact, I’ve been working for 8 hours today, coding PHP for a website while swearing at my computer monitor.
You see, when I decided to get back into selling musical equipment online, I was naive. I figured that a good shopping cart program would be out there, somewhere, much like the aliens on The X-Files. Unfortunately, I was wrong. Now I’ve spent precious hours being a nerd, when I could have been test-racing my Ferrari in the desert or practicing my ninja skills. When the time comes for me to save the world from terrorists by using my Ferrari-racing and ninja skills, you guys will be sorry.
Here’s some of the programs that I’ve inspected and rejected:
- OScommerce — I tried this program first because it came free with my web hosting package. I remember seeing OScommerce several years ago. It hasn’t changed … at all. Unlike WordPress, there are no themes to install. Any change means some code hacking.
- ZenCart — Feels too similar to OScommerce for my taste. Also, the cutesy, new-age name makes me wish it were a man, so I could kick it in the junk and make fun of its name.
- CubeCart — Hey, what do you know? This feels like the previous two, except they charge $130.00.
After stumbling across several other programs, ranging from open-source crap to $500 crap, I gave up. Thank you, developers, for driving me to spend my days writing code. Just for that, I will soon release MichaelCart to the public, and I’m going to destroy you all while charging a hefty fee. MichaelCart — ask for it by name.